Step outside your tribe
The Yemenis I know do come from traditional rural Bedouin tribes who live outside the formal legislative framework of a government or state. For example, they still settle disputes and grievances between themselves, and accidents, injuries etc with blood money. When another tribe kills a member of theirs…..justice comes in the form of 'a life for a life'. The tribe is everything and there is no loyalty more important.
And what a shame it is that when we find our tribe, we stop looking outside it. When we find comfort from one tribe, we seek division rather than commonality with others. The less we step outside our tribe, the more entrenched, rigid and stagnant our minds become and the more suspicious of others.
It seems its all too easy to travel and even live in a country with a totally different national culture but to not experience it at all. Expats tend to stick with their tribe, socialising and living in compounds with expats of similar backgrounds, and continuing their habits and traditions from home rather than experience what the local culture has to offer. The world we live in today requires that to truly experience other cultures, we must actively seek them out - travel in itself doesn't achieve this anymore.
To truly understand and get inside another culture, we must be ready to step outside our own tribe, open our hearts and minds and put aside any preconceptions. We must also be prepared to challenge everything about ourselves - our own values, assumptions and core beliefs - and while we need to be ready to hear and see things which are counter to everything we've understood to be true, we may also be surprised at the amount we share. I've spent the last 2 years doing just that and its been the most surprising and enlightening experience of my life. My core beliefs have been shifting beneath my feet like the giant sand dune I climbed last weekend!!
Its hard to encapsulate quite how fascinating it is to meet someone for whom science and nature played no part in the creation of the universe, for whom eating with a knife and fork and especially chop sticks is just simply wrong, for whom celebrating your own birthday is forbidden, for whom death is a gateway to paradise or eternal hellfire (depending on your belief and behaviour), and for whom the letter of the Quran is still relevant….. Bedouin society in rural Yemen is definitely on the conservative side of Islam where men tend to the land while women seldom leave the home.
Knowing someone whose thought processes, cultural references and world view are so fundamentally different is a truly enlightening experience. One must be prepared for the occasional bombshell but having said all that, there is a surprising amount of common ground. Love and importance of family, need for safety and security, a desire to work and earn a living, a wish to help others less fortunate, the love and close relationship with a family pet dog, horse riding, bowling, enjoying competitive games, supporting a football team (usually Real Madrid or Barcelona!), enjoying the company of friends, laughing, watching movies.
So yes, there are some big differences in terms of the cultural and religious bedrock on which our lives are based but when you get down to the day-to-day, there are so many commonalities. The problem is, even the most open minded among us are to a greater or lesser degree a product of bias which we've all been subjected to from birth - from our family, friends, school system and especially the media.
To step outside our tribe and lay down the baggage of our cultural roots can be an incredibly liberating process and can really help to understand - not agree - but understand why people think, talk and act the way they do. It can help to increase our tolerance levels and reduce the rush to judgement that so many of us are guilty of.
For myself, I'm far happier outside my tribe….. My heart knows where it is most at rest and it is with my Yemeni boys, sitting cross legged in a little cave-like cafe in the middle Of the Souq, eating lambs livers with our hands.
Maybe its the mystery of the exotic, maybe its the famous warmth of Arab hospitality that welcomes a stranger, Maybe I just prefer the sights, sounds and smells of the souq with its sweet mint tea and spicy aromas to the sweaty 5 star watering holes and smokey cauldrons of hell frequented by shiny suits and sideways haircuts.
Or maybe its my intense dislike of the arrogance of British colonialism that still exists among so many expats even today. (Incidentally, a very recent YouGov survey found 43% of Britons think the British Empire was a good thing).
I think one reason I dress like an Arab when I go to the souq is to disguise myself in attempt to disassociate from my region's shameful colonial past and the ignorance that some of my compatriots export around the world, preferring instead to be a bit of a misfit, preferring at least for the time being to step outside my tribe and connect wth other cultures.